突然
想起某一年的這時候
我們就隨性的約著
買了高粱
在路邊就不小心倒數了
不過 一點都不打緊
我們開心的回到你小小的落腳處
我不覺得不安
我被信賴與開心環繞
那是
深植的回憶
離開的你
雖然已經兩年過了
依舊還是很難想像 你
的精神
的人
蒸發
慶 即使我是在對自己說
新年快樂
我們很久沒有一起喝了 這個時節 想念你 我的酒友
if i am capable of both jobs, what do i want?
which one do i excel?
one thought quickly flashed in my mind is i think i do enjoy learning as long as i am IN. does it mean that i should choose the life which enables me to learn and grow successively? i need to distinguish different categories of learning. there must be some are im interested in and some are not.
i've haunted by the noise within recently. one way to get rid of it i thought about is to release the focus and to concentrate on myself. it's an ordinary solution used in several months ago. i will give it a shot even if i am not so sure that if it's good.
I think I need to stop for a while. It takes me too much time. maybe this weekend is my opportunity to think, to plan and to feel myself.
I went to my college classmate's engagement ceremony in i-lan. Alina looked pretty and i thought she's got thinner. she always seems a happy and smiley girl with a strong will to do what she wants to do. i was really glad to see her happiness in the ceremony.
Hungry is always coming with insomnia.
it's not about others. it should have been all about myself.
to enable the instant search feature of your chrome browser:
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set nu " show the line number
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set ic " search without case-sensitive
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1. create a local account user:
i have a calender titled as "memorial". i created this calender on October 31, 2008. the first event was the date my dear friend 慶, passed away. this was my first time to face to the death so closely.
i've just created the second event for my dear OREO. technically, you weren't mine. But i am so thankful that i had the chance to be with you about one year. you were tender, sweet, cute, smart and friendly. you actively stepped close to me and i was so surprised. you were lying you head on my arm just like a person. i thought the weight of your little head made my arm numb but i was touched so deeply when i could just watch you closed your eyes for a nap. i thought it showed your relaxation and trust to me, which is generally supposed to be uneasy for cats. i also remember i liked to talk to you just like you are one of my good friends. i always don't expect to much on cats because people say cats aren't so sweet like dogs. now i would like to say, it really depends! i have no idea that i grieved your death profoundly, even i haven't see you for about 3 years. you were really special to me. i almost think that you are the first cat of mine. it doesn;t matter the relation between us in reality. you mean a lot to me. Thank you, OREO.
i love you and miss you, OREO. Please Rest in Peace.
很心疼
it's really not usually that i get up early on staurday's morning. i think it's due to the green tea last night. anyways, this morning i've read a taiwan girl's blog. she's married an american she had met when she went to US for two-week oversea study group. her story about how she was trying hard to make them together impressed me. i can tell that she knows what she wants and goes for it bravely and without regret. i admire this characteristic of people.
i think the point is not the score of the exams, the real abilities are the be-all and end-all. and that's identical to the original intention of exams that the result of test is one of the explicit indices of our learning outcomes. I have wanted to take an english test, such as ielts, toeic, etc...., not only because i'd like to take a shoot of working abroad, but also i'd like to know my learning outcomes. maybe it's like the pure motivation of taking the SCJP certification before.
i think writing helps speaking.
This week zin and i made tiramisu by ourselves. Zin had done it one time as a assistant and i have no experience of making any kinds of dessert at all.
There were two goals. One was to make the tiramisu and the other was to cook spaghetti as our lunch. Of course, i totally have no contribution to our lunch. Zin was the chef on that day. as regards of me, I was responsible for the meringue (蛋白霜, a mixture of well-beaten egg whites and sugar). at first, i thought this kind of mechanical task was easy to a beginner, such as me. After 10 minute, my sore hand proved that i was wrong. It's never easy for me to make it without an eggbeater. However, i think i was doing well, because the egg whites turned from transparent liquid to white meringue after about 1 hour.
可以直接看不到那片繽紛嗎
為什麼連那幾朵烏雲
都好像快樂到淚流不止
上次
那個抱著球跑的小男孩
這次跛著腳 用力含著眼淚
抓著手上那別人送他的昂貴氣球
繼續跑
別笑
但是他真的一度以為自己是在哪個老鼠運動圈圈上
我試圖拂去他的眼淚
但是這次他惡狠狠的瞪著我
不
我親愛的小男孩
請你原諒我的束手無策
這麼心痛的場合
這麼心碎的氣氛.......
i wish i could forget everything.
The point is that i am not so ready for the new stuff. It's not good.
I wish i could forgive myself.
I have encountered a difficult hurdle and i am not so sure about the solution. the little girl is sick as before i think. she needs something. the supports are necessary. i wanna help. i would if i could. for her, i need to do my best. she now seems so weak and freaked out. please let me know the problem is and the workable solution. i love her so much and hardly bare to see her struggled in the deep and dark ocean without any light and hopes.
dear girl, i know it's hard. please just hang on there. you tears will turn to the rain of the drought and all the fear shown on you face will be replaced with the happiness. yes, i know those are cliche lines which i admit i dont buy it sometimes. however, for you, i am on my way to do right.
we need to express ourselves in words clearly. it's not so easy and everyone can learn by practicing often. we both love to forward or share something we agree with in many ways. it's good to imitate how other people express their own opinions for communication. tell those people you care by yourself. there should be a room of judgement and improvement. don't wipe out the opportunities to be better.
i think i did great before not now. it seems intolerable to me to be criticized, even from myself within. it's too horrible to admit that i become so. i need to re-adjust. please, let me go back to the days.
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known oh
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known oh
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete
OH now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I got to find my own
My Own
i've been trying to forgive myself just like the story happened in this book. She asked all the questions haunting me like forever. I've made the decision and been trying to dont break the words. I am far from myself, i think, the one i am familiar with. it's weird. but i should have known that and been aware that it doesn't work. believing yourself is the way to be happy. you shouldnt try to listen to others' expectation and to think that you might be adequate to all of them. this kind of thoughts seems extreme, however, i don't think it's as bad as you think.
im not perfect and im not so great.
I am just as the same as all others people in this world. i thought it's called 平凡. (i really don't know what the simple word in English.)
"we were born safely with lots of people's help and love. we will be dead with lots of persons' help and love. and, between the time we born and the time we die, we still need lots of people'love and help, just the beginning and the ending."
this world is too big to be explored at all.
my life is too short to experience them all.
I will trying to figure it out what kind of life style i want?
and i need to be able to stand alone and be more independent.
anyway, I want a deep travel.
i am not sure what i want indeed, neither work nor relationship, even my own life style.
everything now seems perfect, but actually i never use the word "perfect" at all.
i sort of envy my english teacher, Mark. he looks happy and enjoys his life, although i were not himself. No matter what, i am sure that i have wanted to become the persons who know their ways clearly. One may say that only understanding what they want and whom the are is not workable, because success is affected by many other things. yap. but the point is without the yearning for something important in your life, you're lost. no, not you, i've been pointing to myself.
i've been trying to make myself to be happy and feel satisfied in many ways. however, just like all the things happened in this world, the result seems not adequate to me. people might take me as a person with no thankful heart. yes, i think it's too true to be said.
do not take if you are not able to. im convinced that it's necessary to dig out myself, the truth of being happy, and the bravery within.
[Empty Chairs at Empty Table]
There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone
Here they talked of revolution
Here it was they lit the flame
Here they sang about tomorrow
And tomorrow never came.
From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
I can hear them now!
The very words that they had sung
Became their last communion
On the lowly barricade..
At dawn.
Oh my friends my friends forgive me.
[the ghosts of those who died on the barricade appear.]
That i live and you are gone
There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on
Phantom faces at the window
Phantom shadows on the floor
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.
[the ghosts fade away.]
Oh my friends my friends don't ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will sing no more...
[Bring Him Home]
God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there
He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.
He's like the son i might have known
If god had granted me a son.
The summers die one by one
How soon they fly on and on
And i am old
And will be gone.
Bring him peace
Bring him joy
He is young
He is only a boy
You can take
You can give
Let him be
Let him live
If i die
Let me die
Let him live
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.
i am still greedy and obstinate.
i have been so lost and vulnerable for one year.
i will be rehabilitated and find my centre.
sometimes i just think of you.
it's dark, happy, polite and relax.
also, it's always full of passion to that you love to do.
where am i?
i am so far away ....
Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, whats wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you've left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's falling from grace.
She's all over the place!
Yeah!!
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside.oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside.oh oh
Ohhh...
If it is getting worse,
There must come out some new unknown ways.
No need to hide,
No need to be afraid.
Just like the same old same old to be free to make choicees,
to be brave to fight and fail,
to be naive to please and culture yourself
Lots of dreams and time and chances there.........
i just want to fall asleep.
i just want to release all the tension.
i am not so sure about the love and the world, even myself.
It could be go wrong.
is the ice melting or breaking
where am i standing in the freezing wind
Watching you sleep for so long
Knowing that I can't turn the rain into sun anymore
I've given you all that I am
Now I stand here too scared to hold your hand
Afraid you might wake to see
The monster that had to leave
Cause you see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm
You were everything to me
This is why I have to leave
So sleep well my angel
Under the ash and the lies
Something beautiful once here now dies
And the tears burn my eyes
As you sit there all alone
I just wanna come home
But you see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm
You were everything to me
This is why I have to leave
So sleep well my angel
Sleep well my angel
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
You see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm
You were everything to me
This is why
You see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm
You were everything to me
This is why I have to leave
So sleep well my angel
Sleep well my angel
Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
Instead there is only silence
Can't you hear my screams
Never stop hoping
Need to know where you are
But one thing is for sure
You're always in my heart
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened
The Truth will free my soul
Lost in the darkness try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul
Living in agony 'cause I just do not know
Where you are
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened
The Truth will free my soul
Wherever you are I won't stop searching.
Whatever it takes I need to know
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened
The Truth will free my soul
im not sure i am good to go.
this is just how i feel.
am i, the one i thought i were, gone?
own nothing, because i really cant own one thing long enough
be owned by no one, because i am aware of that when i built up the ego.
for now
i am just so lost i've ever been.
i think the hardest thing for me is to admit that i am vulnerable.
Maybe that's the reason for loving Xtina.
i have made no progress on those defects for these years.
Nothing gets better but worse, i think.
i need a quiet travel.
this wedding is good because they seem happy. if they have not had a fight for almost 6 years (from the day they met each other), i admit frankly that i do admire the relationship and so happy to know that it's still possible in reality. honestly, it is my first time that i am filled with all my best blessing to the bride and groom on the weddings of my friends.
This is the first time i get up so early on Sunday. I have a breakfast date with my friend who is going to work in Japan. I am always learning somethings from different contact with my friends.
能的話
if love can be transformed or decorated
if life cab be reset or pieced together
if sorrow can be transparent or mutated
if i can get rid of all of them...
I think that we need to believe in ourselves more often and confirmedly, no matter how old we are.
I think i am interested in certain things and maybe i should have be more confident of myself and try to make decisions according to my interests, not my ability. We are always asking ourselves that "could we make it?", but "is that what we want?". We might not know how far we can go but we probably can know are we happy when doing something. I still believe that "interest leads every effort", and in the silent way we are going to be sort of good at certain things because of our interests, even though we are not aware of that.
The true bravery might be to be able to take failure.
只是很想單單純純的
討厭複雜
只喜歡直爽
能用這樣的想法在世界上打滾嗎??
也許堅強 也許脆弱
也許叛逆 也許畏縮
長大之後開始學會幻想行旅
會害怕
會不安
會興奮
會期待
並且
必須更相信自己能承擔
after been through lots of things in my life, of course not all the happiness and tragedy in this world, I think that i'm getting to know myself.
I would love to experience different life. I would love to challenge myself. I am curious about human nature and would like to explore the deep thoughts within people, surely including myself. I am not a person with enough self-confidence. I do believe in "interest leads every effort" and actually i am a demonstration. I behave like that i would love to change, but i am not sure about this impression a little bit. I seem to know what i want in the really life, although I am always stopping and looking around.
No matter what the decisions i made, I believe that this world is broad enough to be explored.
several things happened to me recently.
I think it is time to write something down here. I believe that it's a way to push me thinking in my busy working life.
I also wish that i could have the chance just sitting in a café and figuring out what i really want.
it seems bad.
I am confused a little bit.
One happy day reminded me the happy period of time in the past and the sadness as well.
撿回一些時光的故事
就像痛痛的扎了針的摔落在過去的妄想與如今的現實
快樂與痛苦總是並肩而行
很堅強的自以為眼睛一眨
不聞不問不去思考
就逃脫的掉
就面對的了
但終究
腳走跛了
指磨破了
累到倒下來的那一天
就可以了
很久沒有來更新了
就....來更新一下吧
今天興起逛起表嫂的網誌
其實每次都會覺得很佩服
很辛苦
也很開心
可以感覺到爸媽的用心和教育方向
雖然不免是比較寵愛
畢竟還是獨子
爸媽的關注自然會都落在他身上
可以用心處理、對待
最讓我覺得佩服的是
雖然大家說
有了小孩很難到處去玩
但是我發現他們還是會常常出遊
即使是出國
我想娃娃近期的旅遊經驗應該比我這年輕人還多了吧
令我佩服的是
爸媽即使知道帶孩子出門會很累
但還是會努力的帶出去
見識了大自然與城市、科技與傳統
接觸了小孩、大人、老人還有寵物
除了精神上的累積
我相信體力與健康上也會增加等級
(彷彿突然理解每少女夢工廠裡面的遊戲設定一樣)
其實我認為不只是小孩
就連大人
都非常需要生活上不同的刺激來增長經驗視野與智慧
所以我們才愛旅行
所以才會在久違的朋友聚會中有些許收穫
即使只是多聽了一些不同工作圈的事情
或是面對同樣問題但是不一樣應對心態的故事
這些都是累積
這些都是調劑
其實真的很開心認識表嫂
與你們的生活接觸
其實不斷地也拓展我的視野與界線
那其實像是一個隔絕的世界
被丟到刺鼻與刺耳的夢境中
現實的顏色沾染著些許的輕狂與執著
低頭
在哪裡
是不是都會有一點點的懊悔
一些些的不甘心
沉悶的大笑著
飛奔向不同世界的我們
越來越遠
不只是與人的距離
而是你所知到的自己
那群孩子
青澀卻真實
展現著現在的缺乏
也許那都不過是自己一廂情願的投影
但是
真的
認真的問
我在哪裡
